Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis star in 'Jupiter Ascending'

In Theatres: Jupiter Ascending; Seventh Son; SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water

Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis star in Warner Bros' blockbuster-expensive, critically-panned 2015 fantasy film.



Jupiter Ascending

Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis star in the so-far critically panned, but very expensive, fantasy epic ‘Jupiter Ascending’, a hopeful blockbuster from Warner Brothers that doesn’t look like it deserves the marketing campaign.

Here’s a skewering from The Verge and Bryan Bishop:

“Every now and then a movie can make you break inside, your capacity for rational thought collapsing beneath the weight of the inane, the confusing, the spectacularly boring. These are the moments that lead sensible people to just say fuck it, pick up their Red Vines and soda, and head for the nearest exit. Life’s too short, they say. If I really want to finish this, it’ll be on Netflix, they say. I didn’t spend $20 and drive here to make my life demonstrably worse, they say.

“If only I could have done that same thing during Jupiter Ascending.”

Seventh Son

Jeff Bridges and Julianne Moore star in this fantasy film, which is apparently a completely different fantasy film than Jupiter Ascending.

Here’s Vulture‘s Bilge Ebiri on the 2010 Best Actor Oscar winner’s newest performance:

“A strange movie that manages to be both ridiculous and bland, its chief point of interest is the spectacle of a great actor caught in career decline. As Gregory, a former knight and witch-hunter who wanders the countryside fighting and exorcising demons of all stripes, Jeff Bridges is pure growly silliness, giving a performance that is somehow both debased and yet above it all.”

The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water

Everyone’s favourite kitchen utensil living who lives underwater hits the big screen on Friday, a sequel coming nine years after the original SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004).

“I can try and shuck off my fandom by saying that it’s directly due to my kids, but admittedly SpongeBob is a show that’s proven to be entertaining for all ages and actually contains very clever elements to it,” writes IGN‘s Matt Fowler. “Aside from the fact that, when you boil it down, it follows the time-honored cartoon tradition of ‘one character annoys the holy hell out of another character.’

“Having written all that, I’m giving Sponge Out of Water a moderate recommendation. It’s got some golden moments of weird, surreal glee, but there are also parts that are a huge mess. I know, it’s weird to criticize something like SpongeBob for being too untethered, but when it prevents the story from gelling the way it should you wind up with a movie that sort of feels like a bunch of separate SpongeBob episodes all tacked together in a row.”

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