Mommy’s Inside Voice: Living the fairytale life

Mommy’s Inside Voice is a biweekly column by Amie Jay, a local mother of three

Amie Jay/Columnist

As a little girl, I remember looking forward to my future, fantasizing about who I would marry. Spending hours visualizing what my babies might look like, how many I would have and what their names would be. I would beam at the ends of fairytales, sighing and wishing for my own fairytale someday. My own happily ever after of babies and … um … happiness?

It’s a tale as old as time, you might say. For us girls, the apex of our existence seems to be centred around becoming a mother.

You dance with squirrels and sing high pitched songs in the forest, fall in love, get married. You have a bunch of Gerber-looking babies and live out the rest of your days in an apron with a toddler on your hip and a Subaru in your driveway.

Or you don’t.

You don’t have children and you live in a dark, creaky cottage at the edge of the forest. None of the trees out your window ever grow leaves. Your only friends are crows and, for some reason, you always seem to wear oversized hoods and have a suspicious looking mole.

Laying it out and adding a dash of sarcasm, of course it sounds silly, dramatic and extremist. But, is it really?

Somehow we have been cornered into these two choices, laid out before us in seeming black and white. Roles that come with these predetermined, stereotypical behaviours and lifestyles – and so many assumed judgments that we barely even notice them, let alone question them.

READ MORE: Mommy’s Inside Voice

A woman is still the epitome of womanhood, even if she can’t bear children. She is still powerful and divine.

A woman is still a woman, even if she knows she doesn’t want children of her own. She’s no less feminine or nurturing, no less capable or loving. Just as the women who choose motherhood are no less independent or ambitious.

The stress of these all-or-nothing decisions bends us until we break as we step into these tiny boxes, sacrificing because we think we have to.

You can choose motherhood and a career. You can be a mother without being pregnant, you can choose motherhood without marriage. You can choose not to have children, yet still love children.

Ladies, we are splitting our sisterhood down the middle. We drift away from relationships with people that don’t live lives similar to ours, friends that make different choices get regularly phased out. We just don’t have much in common anymore, you know?

That transition is fair, understandable and, a lot of the time, even necessary. It’s growth.

But what if we looked up from our own little realities and self-centred thought processes to stop doubting the choices of our peers.

You don’t need to understand their motives or their choices. You just need to accept that they are different than you. That they know themselves better than you know them and that they are making the choices that make sense for their heart, soul and lives. End of story.

Once we start accepting our sisters, embracing them instead of questioning their truth, we get to start exploring this glorious grey area that lives between the obvious choices surrounding motherhood.

Mommy’s Inside Voice is a biweekly column by Amie Jay, a local mother of three.

Just Posted

Convicted drug trafficker asks Victoria courtroom for chance to ‘turn this around’

Horst Schirmer sentenced for convictions on five counts of possession related to trafficking

Pipeline protestors plan march as Trudeau gives Trans Mountain the go-ahead,

20 kilometre march to protest the pipeline starts in Victoria, ends on Saanich Peninsula

Union Club of B.C. votes in its first female president

16-year member Grace Van den Brink previously served as vice president

$11 million overdraw for McKenzie Interchange construction

The project has been delayed multiple times and is now estimating a budget of $96 million

Alzheimer Society calls for helpline volunteers in Greater Victoria

Charity is in ‘urgent need’ as calls on the rise

VIDEO: Trans Mountain expansion project gets green light, again

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced the decision in Ottawa on Tuesday afternoon

Greater Victoria wanted list for the week of June 18

Greater Victoria Crime Stoppers is seeking the public’s help in locating the… Continue reading

POLL: Do you support the government’s decision to approve the Trans Mountain pipeline expansion?

The federal government announced Tuesday its approval for the Trans Mountain pipeline… Continue reading

Man to be sentenced for sexual abuse of young girl in Nanaimo

Stephen Mark Castleden also sentenced for child pornography-related charges

MPs hear retired B.C. nurse’s petition to change compensation for fatal medical errors

Teri McGrath wants provinces to implement no-fault system for medical errors

Horgan says he’ll still defend B.C. coast after second Trans Mountain approval

Meanwhile, one B.C. First Nation has announced plans for a legal challenge

VIDEO: Firefighters stop blaze from spreading after BMW crashes at Saratoga Speedway

Victoria-based businessmen were ‘corner training’ on Father’s Day when incident took place

Demonstrators on either side of Trans Mountain debate clash in Vancouver

Crowd heard from member of Indigenous-led coalition that hopes to buy 51% of expansion project

Grieving B.C. mom hopes Facebook message leads to new investigation into son’s Surrey homicide

Criminal Justice Branch didn’t lay charges, concluding no substantial likelihood of murder or manslaughter conviction

Most Read